Just for the record, I don’t think I would be writing this if I knew any of my friends or family followed this blog. If someday you stumble across this mom, dad or anyone closely related to me…maybe stop reading now.
But last night I experienced something entirely new with my husband, my partner of 11 years. Let me tell you, after 11 years, a kid and another on the way it’s a challenge to find a new experience that doesn’t cross hard boundaries. Yet something took over me last night and I went for it with a passion I hadn’t in a long time. I wish I could specifically tell you what it was that motivated me to do act in the way I did, hell I wish I knew so I could make sure we have repeated sessions like last night! But, I’m not sure. I’m hoping it’s not the five month prego hormones influencing my behavior but that could explain my reckless abandon.
The thing is, I realize the significance of being intimate on an at least somewhat consistent basis with my partner. For one – his love language (and I’m going to generalize here but I’d argue the majority of males) is physical touch. Whether I feel this bond by means of sex or not he does. That is a major way he expresses his love for me. Although I don’t express myself in the same way when he explained it to me it totally made sense, “this is something that separates every other relationship we have from ours. Only you and I share this.” Now if you’re not in a monogamous relationship that sentiment may be lost on you but for me that is so powerful! I was ashamed that I didn’t recognize it myself.
Even acknowledging this am I good at putting a priority on sex? No. I have good intentions but with the busyness of life I get caught up in making sure my to do lists are checked off. Unfortunately that can also include my husband at times. I put sex on a list wanting to make sure that it’s not too long between his needs being met but also viewing it as a chore. That’s totally unhealthy and does not insight any type of fizzle. On the contrary I asked him why I’m always the one who has to make the move and his response was telling, “I can never tell when you actually want it.” I can’t even blame him for that when half the time I really don’t I’m just ticking something off my list.
Yet last night was something else entirely. I wasn’t thinking about what had to be done but instead what I WANTED to do. I was a savage. I’ll spare the details (because after all I did say that what is between my partner and I is something that makes our relationship unique to us) but I left my thirty one year old husband with a hicky and a fat lip. We both did something that was new. I’ll be honest, I felt embarrassed by it after but you know what? He loved it! There was nothing to be embarrassed about. And talking about, although awkward for me was something that also bonded us beyond the physical act itself.
So I’m sharing this for two reasons. One, for all of you couples that may feel like you’re in a stalemate I hope this inspires you to think outside the box. Push past your limitations (Notice I didn’t say boundaries here. Those are important and should be respected.) and get adventurous. See how it can transform your relationship overnight. And for two, I’m hoping to cling on to this passion myself. I thoroughly enjoyed myself last night and if you missed it previously, with a second kid on the way I know that intimacy is going to be a struggle here in a few months. So I’m going to work at it, not in a chore way but a fun date night in kind of way. I’m dating my partner and getting reacquainted to him physically all over again.
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